Jehovah Jireh - My Provider

Just wanted to share a nugget/download/revelation that the Lord gave me this morning. In the sermon today, the pastor was talking about some of the names of God. He said that we misuse "Jehovah Jireh" the most often. We use it like a pin number in an ATM machine! When we have BIG needs, we call upon Jehovah Jireh, our Provider! While we know that He will provide for ALL our needs, we must look at the context of this name.

It was originally used by Abraham after the Lord provided the ram in the thicket to be the sacrifice instead of his son, Isaac.... (revelation begins to unfold)!!! We know that the ram is a symbol of Christ, being the sacrifice that God provided for OUR salvation! Therefore, Jehovah Jireh means that the Lord PROVIDES US WITH JESUS!!!!! Whew!! Does that ever change my plea!?!?!

While I know that Jesus is the ANSWER for everything....what a paradigm to starting praying in my time of need to Jehovah Jireh and REMEMBER that while I may not see an immediate provision in my worldly need, He will always give me JESUS!! I should always look for the provision to be MORE of Jesus!!! Wow!! I have totally misused that name!! I Love these times where the Lord speaks so clearly!

So, in closing, I will just say that I do DECLARE, Jehovah Jireh....that God is my Provider of Jesus!! That "my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS!!" Philippians 4:19

Praying that I would APPLY this new revelation to this new journey on the road to health!! More, Jesus, MORE!! :)

A New Journey with Jesus!!

I'd like to say that today marks a NEW journey for me with changing my lifestyle and setting goals. My fear is not following through. My hope is that writing it down will help keep me accountable. My REAL hope is Christ alone! So, today I wake up feeling good about starting a hard journey and I WILL say "today marks a NEW path that will change my life!"

I have recently started with a "life-coach" who is a friend of mine that is helping me to set reasonable goals and try to achieve them while being conscience of the obstacles! I am also joining a new gym today, the nearest YMCA, and will hopefully begin a new relationship with a personal trainer and start getting in on some classes! I want to make a food plan as well and really try to shape my eating into a more healthy lifestyle.

Spiritually, I believe that as I have literally tried EVERYTHING on my own in the past 10+ years, only God can help me, through the Resurrection POWER of Christ as the Holy Spirit, ALIVE in me! I believe that my spiritual, physical, and emotional health are all tied together! I want to pray and declare who I am and stand upon a HOLY energy that only He can give. I want to PRAY through this journey, surrender to His leading and working in me, break the strongholds that have held me back from even trying: laziness, apathy, loneliness, frustration, disappointment. As I begin to see results physically, I want to become a stronger force for KINGDOM advancing spiritually.

I need community. I need people to encourage me and pray, to hold me accountable, to check on my progress, to hold my arms up when I am weak.

I want all of these things that I am wriitng so that God may have MORE GLORY through me! So that His name alone would be lifted high! I want to attribute it ALL to Him, not of myself or my strength, but His working out of my salvation! When people ask "how did you do it?", I want to only boast in Christ!

I post this as a declaration of a new beginning! A fresh start! A journey to a healthier me in EVERY way! Thank you for your support and prayers! I'll try to keep posted along the way! :)

"So whether you eat of drink or whatever you do, do it ALL for the Glory of God." That is the Believer's FREEDOM!! Lord, may it be said of me!

This is the way, walk in it!

So I haven't "blogged" in a while and have no excuse except: facebook! But after revisiting the idea, I thought maybe it would help me record and process. So, here I am again. I would say that I have been struggling lately. That life has been hard and taken a toll on my spirit. That I seem to have symptoms of things being wrong spiritually, but can't pinpoint the exact issue, distraction, or area of bondage. I know that I have been searching more than ever, listening harder than before, quieting my spirit, shifting my focus, redirecting my gaze, examining my heart, and begging Jesus to transform my mind! I will say this....it's HARD to follow Christ!

The idea of community is something that I long for and maybe a concept for another day, but it seems so far out of reach. Maybe I fantasize what true community would look like. Maybe I daydream about brothers and sisters that truly meet one another's needs and act out of love instead of selfishness. Maybe that's not so far out of reach as I think it is. But I do know that I feel lonely as a follower and am desperate for kindred spirits to walk daily with.

But despite my complaining and struggles, and "out-of-sortness"....this I know for sure: that I am called to FOLLOW HIM! No matter the cost, no matter the hardships, suffering, rejection, abandonment, thistles, thorns, storms, clouds, and pain. That through it all, I will be able to say: I HAVE found a joy....that jumps over sadness! His promises are real. His love is complete. He has known and felt everything that I am afflicted with. He offers me fullness.

I don't know the next step of this journey. I am asking for a place to fit in, for a community to plug in to, for an assignment to serve. But in the meantime, in the quiet and secret place, He beckons me and says: "Kristen, you belong to Me!"

Yesterday, as I was worshipping from a pit-like place, I felt the Lord ask me: "If there were no one else beside you, if you had no one, would you still worship Me?" Through tears and conviction I knew He was asking me if HE WAS ENOUGH! And I cried out in desperation and heaviness and exclaimed: "YES, Lord! Yes!" That was a huge breakthrough for me, even though the truth is that I do have people beside me.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine had a vision of me walking along a beach and coming to the land's end at the ocean. I had to choose whether to go right or left. I thought about this vision and had two ideas. One, that walking in the sand is hard and that's how I had been feeling for the last six months. And two, that either way the Lord led, right or left, would be beautiful, because I would be walking in His will and along the shoreline! His ways are always beautiful. I don't have an answer to "which way" to go yet, but in the secret place, He is speaking, and leading, and guiding, and healing my broken heart. I want to follow Him wherever He leads, with abandon, without compromise, with confidence! I know that means looking different than the world, and I am ready. Higher UP, Lord and further IN to Your mighty, awesome, manifest Presence!

"Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" ~Isaiah 30:21,22

Tribute to my Mom!

Today is my mother's birthday and I just wanted to post a couple things that I am thankful for about her that have helped to shape who I am as a woman.

I had a wonderful childhood and learned so much from my mom about how I wanted to be when I grew up. She is an amazing cook, which inspires me. She is one of the most creative people I know, which I have always wanted to emulate. She is an artist, which I wish I could be! (drawings, sketches, paintings). She can clean a house like nobody's business, which is why I am so meticulus at getting every nook and cranny. She is organized, which I have taken after to the point of near OCD - I love compartments! And she is a gift giver, which I have taken upon myself to love people in the same way!

She spent so much time teaching me things about being a woman, about life, and about the practical things of life. I'd like to think I would make a great wife and mother some day because I've had such an amazing example.

Christmases were amazing with all the planning and preparation that my parents put into the event.....and Easter was my favorite because of the weather, the season, the songs at church, the coloring of eggs, and the baskets, oh the baskets.....my mom put together the most wonderful baskets....they were so cherished....she always remembered our very favorite candy and just put so much effort into making them special!



Then there was Halloween...we carved pumpkins and gave out candy, but my mom made some amazing costumes from scratch for us! There was an elephant, a clown, and here's the infamous bunny costume! What fun we had!



I studied my mom's cooking and to this day still consult her about various recipes.....everything she makes tastes amazing and I always love visiting home and having her make me wonderful breakfasts in the morning....thanks mom!



The stories she told of her childhood would always intrigue me...the horses, the farm, 5 brothers and a sister, cows, etc.....here is my favorite picture from her youth:



My mom made childhood fun. And now she makes adulthood fun! She spoils her grandchildren and tells them vibrant and colorful stories. She plays richly with them and gives them so much of her time. I'm so glad that they will know so much of her that I know and remember from my upbringing!



She is amazing, wonderful, emulated, inspiring, teaching, and loved! She is a writer, storyteller, artist, creator, chef, mother, grandmother, confidant, dream-pursuer, and friend. She is the reason that I am so much of who I am today.



And now she is a graduate and a nurse! I'm so proud of you mom!





















I hope to be a mom someday. And I want to be just like mine! I love you mom! Happy birthday!

Love your daughter,
Kristen Beth

Wrecked and Restored - thoughts during holy week!

The Lord has been teaching me about humility these days! As my pastor says: "I wanna learn to walk with my face to the carpet..."

It's never an easy lesson....in fact it's messy and involves much self-reflection, evaluation, severe struggle, and always repentence. But it carries with it freedom, grace, mercy, and extreme love and is coupled with trust, obedience, and surrender.

The moment I realized I was acting within my own strength and outside of God's will (which I'll admit, took a while for me to see clearly - scary!), I was filled with an urgency to "get right" with God like never before! Conviction came when I decided that I didn't want to settle for being "in the middle" of darkness and light, of wrong and right, or of who I was and who He's making me. I don't want to be "in the middle" of the altar and the door, the safety of the boat and the crashing waves, His will and my plans, my faith and my hands......I only want to be in the middle of His PRESENCE!

I've tasted and seen that the LORD IS GOOD! I've been to the mountaintop! I've feasted at the table! I've seen the land of milk and honey! I know that there is abundant life! I will not compromise or settle for the middle, for less than His best, for anything other than His dreams for my life! I trust that they are better than ANYTHING I can ever think of or imagine!

The road here was not easy and I am not proud of things I've done in straying from my Savior. It is so true of the ancient hymn that we are "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love..."

Praise God that we can come to Him and beg: "Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above!"

So, during this holy week of reflection on the cross, the crucifixion, the death of our Savior for our wretchedness......He has shown me things that He wants me to "die" to.....to put to death in me....to crucify in my old nature....

But He doesn't ask me to STAY there.....in the death of things.....He offers LIFE.....a resurrected life of abundance! We can identify with the crucifixion so that we can live in amazement of the resurrection! What a mighty God we serve!

In the past 10 days, the Lord has wrecked and restored me.....and the process is ongoing! It's a daily wrecking sometimes.....but I have to suffer through it so that He may receive the glory on the other side! So that I may boast in His restoration of my brokenness. So that in humilty I can know the strength and POWER of His unfailing and everlasting LOVE!

Be willing to let God do ANYTHING that He needs to do in you so that He can do EVERYTHING He wants to do through you! I guarantee it's always worth it! There's a harvest to be gathered.....the workers are few! Prepare yourself for MORE of God this week before Easter. Be ready for His wrecking and restoring....to God be the glory!

Here is a song that has resonated in me today....it's called "Have Your Way" by Andrew Peterson. It's off his latest album called "Resurrection Letters Vol. II"!
The lyrics are such a beautiful prayer of surrender and humilty!

Have Your Way

Father, hear me now when I am humbled
I fear that I will soon forget
Now I have no stength to stand and stumble
I have no wish to leave You yet
Oh Holy Father, hear me now
When flesh is strong and spirit weak
Please break my back when I won't bow
Won't You have Your way with me

Father, hear me now when I am humbled
When I am bent with holy shame
All the lies that I believed have crumbled
The blood of Christ my only plea
I cannot trust my own designs
My heart is prone to disobey
So listen Lord while there is time
Chain me fast if I won't stay
Take my life and have Your way

Please hear me Lord this blessed hour
When sin has loosed it's hold on me
Thy mercy is a mighty tower
So why should I not trust in Thee
Father have Your way with me

An Arrow Pointing Toward Heaven

My dear friend, and saint, Ivar Overgaard, went home to be with the Lord this morning. My initial shock was heart-stabbing and grief. My next thought was peace and elation that He can know the Lord fully now, there is no dim glass to look through to see the Shikinah glory of our Maker! What fun, to dance before the throne of the Most High!

Ivar was key to my first overseas visit to Norway. He made sure that I saw the amazing sights of the Norway mountains and fjords, and that I tasted the foods of the best of Norway culture. He wound around dangerous roads as we passed through mountains and stopped EVERY time we asked to get out to roam and take pictures. He was the pastor of a local church and an amazing husband, father, and grandfather.

His spirit was gentle and kindred. He spent countless hours translating everything to us in English that the Norwegians were saying, and then translating to the Norwegians what we had to say. By week's end, his mind was exhausted and he was thinking in two languages! We had a good laugh over it!

I just recently had the pleasure of spending a second weekend at the "college of prayer" here in Atlanta, where Ivar and his wife, Kari, traveled the distance to be here. I had the pleasure of praying exclusively with them and of imparting them off on the journey home with annointing and power. We had an amazing weekend reminicing of the Norwary experience and it was such a blessing to create more memories together.

Ivar made a tremendous impact on my life and I will never forget his kindness and goodness. He went easily in his sleep. I can only think that maybe the Lord was jealous for him to come Home. But I thank God for the legacy he left with us of such a powerful example of a man after God's own heart. He will be missed. I will cry. And then I will try my grandest to follow in his example and be another "arrow pointing toward heaven!"

Goodbye my friend, goodbye.

How He Loves Us!

This video is amazing and the song is powerful! Enjoy! And wait until the end......it's worth it!



How He Loves Us - Kim Walker

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

New Year, New Me!

I have high hopes and expectations for this year! I expect to fall. I expect to fail. I expect to love. I expect to lose. I expect to grow, change, and learn. I expect God to continue to crucify my old nature. I expect Resurrection! I expect suffering. I expect abundant life! I expect the kingdom to advance and I expect the Lord to give me work to do. I expect tears and I expect joy!

I expect to blog more, complain less, visit more, pray more, love more...eat less, excercise more, listen more, talk less, dance more, stumble less, sing more. I expect to capture many new sunsets, travel, enjoy God's creation, and bless others. I expect to testify, witness, boast in Christ, devour His word, and enjoy His Presence! I expect to surrender and I expect to walk in freedom!

In lieu of resolutions (which I have, but are typically the same each year - get in shape, grow closer to God, and get out of debt)....here are the lyrics to 2 songs that sum up my heart's desire for 2009! Both of them I heard over Christmas. The first is a Vineyard song that my sister Laura re-introduced me to, and the second is a song I heard at the Vineyard Church in Ann Arbor during worship. It's by Jared Anderson. Hope you enjoy - both are on itunes and I highly recommend them! If you read through the lyrics of Ready Now, read all of the repeated lines and ask yourself: Are you ready now?.....for God to do what He wills?

Invitation Fountain- Vineyard Music

All who are weak
All who are weary
Come to the rock
Come to the fountain
All who have sailed
On the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea
Come on be set free

If You lead me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go, I will go

Ready Now - Jared Anderson

You come like you promised you would
I want to surrender for good
I know that i need you
And i dont want to keep living life alone

So take my heart
and make it new
make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will

I feel like a blind man in you sight
I know that im wicked in your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like the sun
I want to tell everyone
that you're the only one

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will

Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Do what you will
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Do what you will
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now

facedown

I read a recent blog from a friend of mine talking about a Beth Moore bible study she is doing. One of the disciplines that Beth Moore is asking them to do during this study is to actually get down on their faces to pray in their group meeting time. The host of the bible study thought her carpets were too dirty to actually try this right away, so she rented a steam cleaner from Giant Eagle and she and her husband scrubbed their carpets.

Think about all the times you pray and what your posture is during that prayer time.....I tend to pray while driving, laying in bed (often falling asleep), in the shower, doing dishes, lying on the couch. What kind of difference would it make to actually put my face to the carpet as an act of reverence to God and get uncomfortable so that I can focus completely on Him. It sounds revolutionary and humbling and an obvious statement of the seriousness of my petitions.

In this day and age, and hard time, we need to be serious about our prayers!

I'm going to try it and I'll let you know how it goes....any of you who try this, please let me know your thoughts and experiences! Honor God with your posture and receive the blessing of His presence when you find that He meets you facedown!

Matt Redman wrote a great song and a book about it. Here are the lyrics:

Welcomed in to the courts of the king,
I've been ushered into your presence.
Lord, I stand on your merciful gound,
Yet with every step tread with reverence.

There is none in heavens like you,,
And upon the earth, who's your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights,
And i'm bowing down to exalt you.

And I'll fall facedown,
As Your glory shines around.
Yes i'll fall facedown,
As your glory shines around.

Let your glory shine around,
Let you glory shine around.
King of glory here be found,
King of glory.

October Summer

I just got back from Florida this past weekend and I feel so refreshed. I went to help start a College of Prayer campus (www.collegeofprayer.org) in a little town called Dunnellon, near Gainesville.

I arrived on Thursday afternoon and attended a 2 day time of prayer, teaching, worship, and fellowship for local leaders and pastors. I came ready to serve and excited to see what God had in store. I was able to share a couple of testimonies of freedom that opened up a doorway for many others to experience deliverance. I was able to bless the worship leader by helping with music during the communion time. I was able to spend sweet time in the Presence of the Living God with the body of Christ.

I left broken, changed, poured out, filled up, and restored.

I continued my weekend by finding a nearby island community on the Gulf of Mexico called Cedar Key. It was quite the small town, not a movie theater within 60 miles. I checked into a cottage and after realizing that my wireless wouldn't work and my cell phone was roaming, I felt disconnected to everyone, which was OK because I still felt totally connected to God!

It was a relief and ever so restful. I relaxed in my little cottage and flung wide the french doors so that I could hear the ocean water ebb and flow against the rocks, right outside my door. By the time I went to bed, the tide had reached my balcony's edge. I could hear the music from the nearby pub as people sang out their intoxication and toasted to the good times they wouldn't remember in the morning.

I woke up the next day and went for a beautiful, brisk walk along the shoreline of the Gulf. I watched as people began casting their fishing poles, planting themselves on rocks and docks, hoping for an exciting pull at the other end of their line. The anticipation, the waiting - to experience a few moments of elation. What patience and determination fisherman have.

As I kept walking, I saw a couple of butterflies dance and play with each other in the air. For a moment, I was captivated, and then.....I started noticing they were everywhere! On every flower, plant, tree, or bush there were literally dozens of butterflies. I started trying to capture them on camera, and as I thought about their beauty and their meaning of new life, my eyes welled up and my spirit soared, and I knew God loved me deep! I realized that the butterflies had been there on my first time around the block, but I hadn't noticed them. As soon as I SAW, they were everywhere. I thought about God's Presence and how it's always there and available, but we just don't always notice it or receive!

The wind from the day and the morning and the ocean was warm upon my face. I realized it was October and it still felt like summer. I knew it was cooling off in Georgia, but it was nice to have one more taste of summer.

The night before I spent my time chasing a sunset (one of my favorite past times) until I could find a clear view and watch it change in all of it's colors and glory.
I felt so much peace this weekend - a peace that truly did pass my understanding. I felt truly content, truly free, truly alive, and 100% satisfied in Jesus Christ, my Savior! It was like nothing I'd ever known. This was "resting" in Christ!

Praise God for His indescribable gifts!